


I remember everything

by pescaitaliana



Category: Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, Internal Conflict, M/M, Marriage, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 05:32:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14928065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pescaitaliana/pseuds/pescaitaliana
Summary: Years after their passionate Italian romance, Elio and Oliver meet back up for a night at a bar in New York.





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the first chapter of hopefully many! This is my first time writing fanfiction so I hope its not too novice sounding. Leave some kudos or comments if you enjoyed and I will wholeheartedly appreciate the support. Thank you!

I close my eyes and I am transported back all those years ago. The muggy Italian summer breeze wrestles itself through my hair as I stand on the station platform with the one and only man I had ever loved. The smell of rusty tracks infiltrates my nose and salty tears, that I had done my best to swallow back, linger on my tongue. I want to yell to him how much I love him, or even just make a bit of small talk, but my mind stopped me.

"Don't make this 'goodbye' any harder than it needs to be", my conscience tells me at the back of my head. "This boy doesn't need to be hurt any longer than what life already entails for him"

He breaks the unbearable silence.

"Do you have your passport?"

"Yeah", I respond, keeping this interaction as brief as possible.

And so, with that, I give him one last longing embrace. This hug, though to others it may seem like simple skin ship between two good friends, means so much more. This hug will be the last time that I am able to hold him so dearly and without restraint. I feel my tear ducts start to well up again and, before my emotions start to take the better of me, I break the contact and board the dark green train. Through the fingerprinted glass window of the car, I look back to him one last time in an effort to cement his image into my brain. His beautiful dark, curly hair rustles in the wind as the shirt I gifted him falls loosely about his small stature. Then the train jerks out of its slumber and begins to move along. I look away from the gorgeous man, and stare mindlessly forward. It is around then that I had never told him those three words that would seemingly haunt me for the next 20 years.

"I love you."

Now, when I open my eyes, I am greeted with any average man’s dream. I have a beautiful wife and two brilliant children. I am a professor with a high regard among my field. I have everything that the college me would have wanted and yet I still find myself dwelling on that one afternoon. Wondering how my life would have been had I not boarded that train or, better yet, never even gone to Italy that summer in the first place. Had I not spent those six weeks abroad, I may have been able to avoid the most devastating heartbreak I have ever experienced. However, I would have also robbed myself of the most pure bliss I had ever felt anywhere. My experience shared both excruciating pain as well as unbelievable happiness.

“Oliver, honey, you have a phone call”. My wife’s voice from another room shocked me out of my reminiscent daze.

“Ah yes. I’ll be down in a moment, dear”, I call back from my study. I begin to stack up the papers that I was so diligently grading before my mind began to drift into the past. I soon begin to descend the staircase of the two story Kensington townhome that we raised our family in.  
“It’s Elio”, she whispered to me as she handed me the phone. I felt my heart stop in my chest.

“Hello? Elio?”, I say as casually as I can, considering he was just dominating my thoughts as I tried to grade essays.

“Oliver. I haven’t heard your voice in years!”, he remarks, fondly, “Hey, I’m in New York for a bit on business and I was wondering if you would like to go meet up for drinks sometime this week?”

I am utterly taken aback at his tone of voice. He seems to be so… so happy. I don’t know what I expected from him after all these years, but definitely not this.

“I mean, unless you’re busy. Sorry if this is too abrupt”, he quickly adds in, as if he can sense my confusion. He has a habit of being outgoing and then backtracking as soon as he realizes that he may have messed up.

“No, no you’re fine. And yes, I would love to meet for drinks”, I respond keeping my tone as neutral as possible so as to not startle him by being too eager. “How does Thursday night sound?”

“That sounds perfect! I’m staying in the Roosevelt Hotel, would you mind meeting me there?”

“Not at all. See you Thursday then.”

“Yeah, see you then. Goodbye, Elio”

“Goodbye.” I end the phone call and just stand there. He called me Elio. He remembers as well as I do. Now I just have to wait three short days. Just three days until I see the love of my life for the first time in almost 20 years.


	2. A leap of faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two finally meet up, for better or for worse.

I have to do it. It has been twenty years since I had last had anysort of contact with my lovely Oliver. He’s not mine anymore now. Was he ever mine to begin with? Was I anymore than a nightly fuck in Italy? No. I can’t bear to let my mind drift like this. With a sudden breath of confidence, I pick up my telephone and punch his number in. I had it memorized from the many times that I fantasized of calling him but never having the courage to follow through.

Ring ring ring

My heart begins to race as the dream of hearing his beautiful, baritone voice again is becoming a reality. His wife answers and my stomach sinks.  
“Hello? Adler residence?”

“Um, yes. Hello my name is Elio. May I speak to Oliver?”

“Oh sure, just a minute.”

This is it. I have to see him one last time. Even if all my fears of him being happy and content with his “normal” life are confirmed, I need this. I need closure. I need to stop thinking about him. I’m sure that he hasn’t thought about me in years and rightfully so. My existence is part of his past. A past that his family would never approve of. A past that could jeopardize his job. I’m so selfish. I shouldn’t have even called. 

Then I hear him. His voice hasn’t changed a bit. Same old Oliver. All my doubts fly out the window as I fearlessly ask him to drinks. To my surprise, he accepts. Now I have to wait until Thursday. Before the conversation comes to it’s destined end, I decide to get risky.

“Yeah, see you then. Goodbye, Elio”

He responds with a simple “Goodbye” and with that I am left there, alone in my hotel room, with nothing but the dial tone and a promise for drinks to comfort me. I set down the phone, equally giddy and anxious. Dammit, Elio, you took it too far. Obviously, he wouldn’t remember. He shouldn’t remember. He’s a married man with a family to uphold. I’m just selfish.

The three days pass, slowly but surely. I have to trudge through meeting after meeting discussing performance dates and uniform coordination. Then its three nights of eating take out, alone in my hotel room, surfing the tv channels for anything that could remotely capture my interest until sleep decides to encapsulate my consciousness. 

Thursday morning rolls around. Its 8 am and we meet at 7pm. Only eleven hours. Then it's noon and I’m on lunch break. Only seven more hours. Then it's 5pm and I am officially done with work for the day. Only two more hours. I spend these last couple hours getting myself all primped up and ready for this date. Date? Is that what it is? No. We are just two good friends meeting up for the first time in years. I throw on a light blue button-up (which I hoped he would notice as the the shirt he left me with all those years ago) and khaki dress pants. I head down to the lobby around 6:30, hoping to use those spare minutes to mentally prepare myself for the night. 

As I step out of the elevator, my eyes instantly lock with his across the lobby. He was sitting at a small table in the waiting area. As if he was electrocuted, he jumps up out of his seat and briskly walks to me, bearing the widest grin I had ever seen on any man. Do I shake his hand? Or do I greet him first? Before I can decide how to approach him, Oliver takes me into a tight hug. Stunned but not dissapointed, I freeze up for a moment before I return the gesture by wrapping my arms around his burly frame. He was still so muscular and yet, so thin. After a few moments of blissful embrace he lets go.

“Elio! My god! You haven’t changed a bit!”, he remarks fondly as his hands rest on my shoulders.

“Except for this of course”, he says brushing his hand under my chin, regarding my pathetic excuse for a beard. I had been trying to grow my facial hair out since the passing of my dad. It reminded me of him.

“Oliver. It’s wonderful to see you again! How has life been treating you, my friend?”

“Ah life is good. Just me, the wife and the boys. You have to come meet them someday. They would love you”

“Maybe someday.” The mention of his family reminding me of where I stand with him. I am just his friend. That’s all I am.

“Well, how about we go find a bar to camp out at. It’s been forever since I’ve been into town. Suburban life has really changed me”, he says with a hearty chuckle as he leads me to the lobby door.

As we walk down the neon-lit sidewalk, I feel content. This man that I had been dreaming of ever since the summer of ‘83 was finally walking by my side once again. Whether we were partners or good friends, I was happy to have him next to me again. I was happy that he was happy with his life. Yet somehow, a part of me ached. From the Greek “algos”, meaning pain or distress, and “nostos”, meaning homecoming, the world “nostalgia” was created. It was in this moment that I truly understood and felt what that world meant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I was delightfully surprised with the amount of attention my last chapter got, I honestly didn't think that anyone would read this lol. Anyways, I decided to update quick so as to not leave you all waiting too long. If you enjoy, leave some kudos or comments because those truly make my day! Thank you for reading!


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